


Scars, Ice-cream, and a Clay Monstrosity

by Diary



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Character Study, Conversations, Crafts, Disturbing Fluff, Ice Cream, Introspection, Morally Ambiguous Character, POV Male Character, POV Osmund Priest, Post-Canon, Scars, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 00:52:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13112325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: A look at Priest and his thoughts and feelings towards Bart. Complete.





	Scars, Ice-cream, and a Clay Monstrosity

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Dirk Gently.

There’s a reason he keeps his hacking skills secret, namely: Of course, he hacks Blackwing and other governmental agencies on a regular basis.

Now, there’s a chance Ken might find out. It’s not particularly surprising Riggins would get himself retired and have an idiot like Friedkin, who’d end up bringing in someone such as Ken, replace him.

If it happens, so be it.

In the files Ken himself is unlikely to ever see, Project Icarus is predicted to destroy the other Blackwing subjects. They were never supposed to exist, and he’ll return balance by making them not.

Bartine, Project Marzanna, she’ll only destroy any evil Blackwing subjects. The rest will always be safe with her running about.

He does believe there is evil and good. He hasn’t fooled himself on which side he’s on since he was in single digits.

In the event of his exposure, his defence will simply be he has a higher duty to his country and the world itself than Blackwing. Whether Dirk Gently is a good person or not, there will come a day the world needs the Blackwing subjects. Getting rid of one of them to save the rest is an acceptable loss.

He tries not to think about the deathly pale, thinly malnourished, stinking runt with matted hair he injected with a mild sedative that normally wouldn’t knock out an actual child. He doesn’t think about how limply lifeless she was in his arms.

He was almost tempted to drop her off at some hospital or child protective service agency, but most likely, it’d be filled with child molesters or some other evil people, and she’d be caught before she was even fully registered as missing.

Instead, he hosed her down, wrapped her in a towel that dwarfed her with a set of clean clothes lying nearby, and left his wallet with a note inside telling her to kill Dirk Gently, Project Icarus, a holistic detective.

In retrospect, he should have taken the risk and obtained a picture, or at least, tried to write a detailed physical description.

As much as he can, he refuses to think about setting her in the cabin’s bed, covering her up, and kissing her forehead. She’d stirred, still hazy and muddled from the drug, and he’d said, “Save us all, and kill Dirk Gently. Then, find a way to be happy.”

In retrospect, urging her to be happy might have led to this whole Ken situation.

Oh, he likes Ken. Ken is competent, and Ken doesn’t try to pretend nobility.

However, Ken-

For all the sympathy and fondness Riggin had for the others, he mistrusted and outright disliked Project Marzanna. Sometimes, he suspects, if Riggins could have, Riggins would have had her killed.

She isn’t someone who made the choice to kill one day. It’s always been utterly, literally woven into her nature, and she does the world a favour by doing it. If she’s never plagued by guilt or moral quandaries, good. If someone like her can be happy, good.

Except, her brief happiness led her right back to the place Dirk Gently might one day strike. There’s no more torture and more attention to her hygiene and medical needs, but he hears “extremely glad to see you” and easy assertions she won’t kill him despite her instincts telling her he’s no longer the person she once formed a genuine bond with-

It’d be easy to chalk it up to the fact he’s the one with the scarred face, despite the fact he truly has been more of a friend to her than Ken ever has been, but if he’s honest, this is only a small part of it. He can admit, right now, he’s still the worse of him and Ken. The fact she and the pink-haired alien didn’t kill him is, quite frankly, a surprise.

He can recognise the value of agents who do espionage without respecting them or what they do. It’s bad to kill and physically torture, but there’s an honesty to it. If someone is trying to kill or torture you, you know where you stand with them, is his thought on the matter. Hopefully, it’s easy to fear and hate them without guilt. You’re the victim, and he imagines there isn’t much guilt over what the other person has done, is doing, or is trying to do.

Emotional manipulation, though, oh, people question whether they’re truly victims. They blame themselves for the pain others are inflicting on them. Again, forcing someone by gunpoint or threats has an honesty to it that making them decide to do after putting their emotions through the wringer and having them still think good of the person who did it doesn’t.

Bart only shows any real sign of life when Ken deigns to talk to her, and Ken uses this to his advantage. His attention is the key to getting tests done on her Blackwing never could before. Ken talks about field trips they might go on together, and maybe, she knows, and maybe, she doesn’t, but Ken is seriously considering siccing her on people they need eliminated and know the universe would readily let her.

One day, she says, “Hey, Priest."

They’re waiting for Ken. She’s eyeing his rifle, and he’s wondering if some clay monstrosity she made earlier is going to get broken. It’s displayed on the table for Ken to see, and he’ll be impressed if Ken can manage to even make a show of caring one whit about its existence.

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you kill Farah Black?”

“Did the universe tell you to ask me that?”

She nods.

“I think you know, then, that I’m not going to answer.”

Because, she could have killed you, but she didn’t, if he’s completely honest. He doesn’t particularly care about most civilians. If killing Miss Black, Gently’s assistant, and Rowdy Three’s tagalong is necessary to getting them contained and, hopefully, seeing Gently dead, he’ll do it.

But at the farmhouse, killing her wasn’t necessary, and when the universe had given her an opportunity almost no one will ever be granted, she showed herself one of the truly good people by only utilising it enough to protect those she cared about.

Bart shrugs.

…

One day, Bart asks for ice-cream, and Ken probably had genuine plans to share it with her, but duty calls.

He starts to follow, but she says, “He doesn’t need you to take care of it.” When he looks back at her, she holds out a drippy spoon. “Want some?”

“Sure."

They eat ice-cream, and he has to deal with a knife pressed against his throat when she gets brain freeze.

Later, after Ken has dressed her down, she says, “I’m sorry."

“Hey, it’s no problem. I’m grateful for you not.”

“Do your scars hurt?”

“They always tell me when it’s about to rain.”

“That ain’t an answer. Or it is, but it’s not to what I asked.”

Chuckling slightly, he shifts his stance. “Do yours?”

“I dunno. You’re not a good guy.”

“I’ve never made any claims I was. There are good, there are bad, and then, there are people like you.”

“I kill people. Apparently, that’s bad. Ken used to think that. I don’t think he still does. So, maybe, it isn’t.”

“Designed, born to, granted a purpose from above, whatever you want to call it, you kill people the universe deems unworthy. I’m not sure either ‘moral’ or ‘immoral’ can be applied to you.”

It’s something of a lie. He’s managed to keep sporadic track of her over the years. She isn’t cruel to animals she comes across. She’s been genuinely kind to Ken, those drawn into Gently’s circle, and the pink-haired alien. Everything points to her being a person who does good when she’s not fulfilling her purpose of killing people.

…

He wakes up with a heavy weight on his chest.

“The universe said I should give it to you.”

Carefully setting the clay monstrosity aside, he sits up. Instinct has him getting his gun and aiming it even as he realises the futility. “You left Blackwing?”

“Yep.”

“What about Ken? Is he still alive? Does he know?”

“He knows. And he’s still alive. I might kill him someday. But I didn’t now. He’s not my friend anymore. It hurts worse than my scars ever did.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I know.”

“You could come with me,” and there’s genuine hope in her voice.

“Sorry, Bartine. I know you think you shouldn’t kill Dirk Gently anymore, but when I come across him again, I know I need to try. I reckon that’s too big a conflict of interest between us.”

“Like Ken but not.”

“Yeah, sure." He wonders if it’s going to rain tomorrow, or if his scars are just reacting to the emotions he’s dangerously close to expressing.

She kisses his cheek. “Thanks. For what you’ve done, now, Priest. I might kill you someday, and you think you might kill me if you could, but I was wrong. You’re a friend, too. I hope I never see you again.”

“Same here.”

After she leaves, he puts the clay monstrosity safely in his awards display case, and then, calls Blackwing.


End file.
